You know those days when you spend a really long time getting ready? You know, when you fix your hair and your makeup perfectly and stress over the perfect outfit? When you look in the mirror and think, 'damn I look cute!'?

Today was my day like that. Well, for all of about 5 minutes. Then my mom came home and slowly trashed everything that I had painstakingly taken my time to complete. She told me how my eye make-up was too dark (when it really had not been), how my shirt was too low cut, my boobs looked way too big, my pants were too tight, my hair was too fancy, and so on. I just sat there for a minute, staring at her, because I couldn't believe she had the audacity to say the insulting remarks that she did. Then I slowly gathered in my breath and "shut up! would you just shut up? must you always find something to insult me rather than to compliment me. I thought that was what mothers did! Helped their children's self esteem to be higher and not lower."

I guess its just too hard for her to understand that I need her support, and not her insults. Maybe one day she'll finally understand why I never was able to believe in myself and have faith in my inner as well as my outer beauty. Maybe she will know why I starved myself in sixth and seventh grade, and tormented myself for the majority of my life.

Then again, if she hadn't figured it out by then, she probably never will...

yesterday - tomorrow