So often that I think about writing, about finally telling the world of my pain and problems and finding the words to express myself. But they never seem to be able to leave my fingertips in a sense of understanding. So like usual, I keep it inside.

I'm getting ready to move out of my house soon. I've made an appointment to go look at the apartment I want today, so we will see what happens with that. I just want everything to work out and I'm so scared that it is not going to, because quite frankly, that is always how everything in my life turns out.

My graduation party came and went, pretty much unnoticed, uncared for. My parents still have not even gotten me a card or said that they are proud of me or anything. I know that this is typical behavior on their end, but somehow I still let it hurt me.

Jose and I are doing great. Surprisingly enough, we are doing better than ever before. That's what happens when you lose someone you really love, I guess. After him seeing me with Robert, he finally realized what he had. I wish it wouldn't have taken that, but you know- it did and I regret that what happened did happen. But I can't go back and change anything. I love him and the whole Roberrt thing was a huge mistake. Not only did it make Jose realize what he had and what he lost, it also made me realize how happy Jose made me.

I've done so much growing up lately. I work a whole lot, and I'm really serious about getting out of this house and starting a life of my own, where my parents cannot knock me down more than they already have.

Don't worry life. Everything happens for a reason. I just haven't figured out what most of these reasons are yet. And when I do, I'm sure it will all make perfect sense.

yesterday - tomorrow