loving myself
Summer is almost here. Time for little tops, short shorts, and bathing suits. Time for hitting the beach and showing lots of skin.
However, this year is not working quite too well for me. I don't know how this seems to be possible, but it seems that I was skinner during the winter than I am now. It's really rather depressing.
Mainly, I know that the cause of this is my odd eating habits caused by two things: eating late, when I get home from work and not eating for days and then stuffing myself on fast food when I get the opportunity.
Does the fact that I know why I'm gaining weight make me feel any better? Not in the least bit. Actually, it pisses me off and makes me so upset. It's not a good sign when you want to live in your pajamas and when you have food in front of your face, you want to eat it but know you shouldn't, and so you cry.
I'm so sick of being depressed, of hating the way I look. I wish that I could look the way I did last summer, I wish I could lose 15-20 lbs. But I know it's not possible.
It hurts my soul deeply that I can't love myself, the way I know that I need to, because of the way I perceive myself. Until I can see myself as the beautiful woman I am inside, my inner being is going to continue being miserable. If I can't love myself for who I am, who can?