It's hard to open up and explain how I'm feeling because my head and my heart keep telling me two different things. I'm trying so hard to listen to my head, because quite frankly, my heart isn't too bright.

So how do I feel? Happy but sad. Confused, yet completely set straight. I have the days where I sit and cry and feel alone and those are the days when I miss Jose. But then the phone rings and I race to it, with a huge grin of anticipation on my face, hoping that it is Robert on the other end. Then I sit, entraced by the boy with the beautiful blue eyes for hours on the phone, when he listens to me cry, laugh, yell, be goofy, or whatever it is that I feel like doing. And when I'm done, he hugs me close to him.

I'm so happy that God gave me a second chance on fixing my life. No matter how much it hurts to not be with Jose, a million things that would have resulted from me being with Jose would have hurt so much worse. What would have resulted from him and I? How can you be with someone after he hurt me like he did? It's hard but I need to be strong and it's been taking a lot out of me to realize that, but at least I know it now.

I just need to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.

yesterday - tomorrow