After the beginning of the new year, I made a resolution to just enjoy the happiness that I had in my soul. I was going to love the happiness that I had, rather than forcus of the happiness that I didn't have. The reality of this is that I cannot seem to find true happiness anywhere. It seems like wherever I look, I find sadness, loneliness. Very few people have seemed to make me genuinely smile.

I miss Jose. I miss the man who used to love me with all of his heart. The man who went out of his way to be mine. The reality of this is that he was never really what I saw him as. I saw him as a perfect man, someone who loved me deeply, but when reality panned out, I really saw his true colors and that is what has taken me so much by surprise. It's hard getting on with my life, because each memory that seems to form this year is clouded by what used to be.

My tears have taken over my soul. All I know is the sadness of life, the forced laughter that reverberates through my head. The broken pieces of my heart that were taped back together, but I know that it will be close to forever until this heart heals.

yesterday - tomorrow