hate, so much hate
i used to dream in all colors of the rainbow
variations and shades
you taught me how to see the light
and to make the darkness fade.
but when you left me
alone again
the colors blurred into a unmistakeable shade
dark black and lonely
crying and hurt
no relief from all this pain.
it's hard to imagine that everything will be okay
and the reassuring words i hear seem to blend in
but nothing is clear
feeling a shock to know that you're gone
emptiness sits in and the moments are over
hating the way i cry alone
wishing i would stop droning and stop playing our song.
hating myself for being so ugly
wishing that i'd done more for you
willing to bend over backwards
to give you my life
hating myself for seeming so petty, so trite
wishing i was stronger
regretting that i could not keep all these feelings in
wanting to do whatever i could to keep you from leaving me again
hating the fact that i can't call you mine
wanting your arms around me, wanting to run my hands down your spine
cursing that day that you walked out of my world
hating myself for loving him
hating him for making me hurt.