High expectations seem to be what my life is molded out of. I always try to see the best in people, to hope for the best. This probably explains the severe amounts of disappointment that I always seem to find.

Needless to say, this year has started out in a less than desireable way. I've been trying to find my happiness that I know is somewhere in my life. Every time I feel even a bit happy, even a bit excited about something, for some uncanny reason, someone always has an upperhand in knocking me down.

Jose is such a wonderful man and I love him to pieces. I always will love him because he has found his niche in my heart and can never lose that place. The paths worn on my cheeks are deeper every day from the tears that I cry for him. Hurting me is probably not his intention, but it seems like sometimes, he could care less about my thoughts, emotions, feelings, or anything.

Love is like a virus. It takes over your body, engulfs your mind, and refuses to let go. You fight to resist it, but soon enough, even the strongest give in. The happiness is wonderful, you feel like you are high as a kite.

When the kite comes crashing to the ground and you still can't let go, that's when you realize it's easier to be in love with someone who is loving you back. I want him to love me like I love him, deeply, proudly, and strongly.

But I know in my heart of hearts that he will never be capable of the love that I am. He may be scared to let me in, refusing to let me love him the way that is so right.

So he pushes me away and I feel so wrong.

yesterday - tomorrow