senioritis
I can't believe how quickly time passes. It seems like only yesterday I was excited about being on Christmas break and here it is, the Sunday before I go back to school.
I'm anticipating springtime, graduation, getting out of high school more than ever, it seems. I'm ready to go beyond all this petty high school bullshit and start my life as an adult.
I think I got senioritis earlier than most. It actually began as a junior, while all my friends were excited about graduation, I had already begun to plan my own graduation. And now, here I am, about 5 months until my own graduation and I can't imagine walking across that stage and accepting my diploma. Lord knows I'm ready to get out of here, out of my house, away from the strict life my parents force me to live. I'm ready to decide what time I want to go to bed, what kind of person I want to be, without my mom or dad reading over my shoulder and giving me permission to breath. I hate the way they treat me like a child, yet force me to have adult responsibilities.
I want to meet new people. I want to leave the 'he said/she said' shit of high school behind. I want to meet some people with my maturity level.
On the same hand, I'm scared to death to leave high school. It's my security blanket. I'm known there. I'm a face with a name attached, not just another face in the crowd. I'm comfortable there. I know my way around, where to go, who to talk to, what to do. I'm confident here.
I'm scared to start my life, because my biggest fear of all is my fear of failure. I want to be somebody, I want to make something of myself. But if I don't, then what will I have?